Sunday in a Red State
"If Jesus reappeared on earth tomorrow it would probably be at Daytona
or a Cracker Barrel Restaurant."
-- Punk Wilson, local wiseass
By Joe Bageant
Indeed, Cracker Barrel has to be the most appropriately named
restaurant chain in America. The last time I entered one with an
out-of-town black friend, nearly all heads turned in unison toward us.
My friend took one look at the wall-to-wall porky white faces and said,
"Get me back to the fucking car. I can grab a happy meal on the way out
of Deliverance."
Continue reading "Finding Jesus at the Cracker Barrel" »
The devil does not live in the American heartland, he just shits here
By Joe Bageant
When my old friend Dickie Holme told me that the black maid, Vernie,
who had raised him while his family was busy stealing half the county,
still cooked Xmas dinner at his house every year, I nearly spit vodka
tonic onto the front of his Yonex badminton shirt. "Jezits Christ
Dickie, she's 80 years old and has a family of her own to celebrate
Christmas with. Slavery has been over in Virginia for 20 years now.
Didn't you get the memo?"
Continue reading "A Republic of Pickle Vendors" »
Joe,
Damned good article man. Damned good. I sent it to my sister in Texas,
another over bright, well read, uneducated leftneck. Verily, the people
you write about might as well be Republican Martians, as far as the
liberal left is concerned.
Continue reading "Working class has become an impolite term" »
Down at Burt's Tavern
"As nightfall does not come all at once, neither does oppression. In
both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains seemingly
unchanged."
-- Justice William O. Douglas, Supreme Court justice
"Would the sonovabitch who super-glued my hair to the bar when I
passed out please come take your goddamned beating like a man!'
-- Pooty Jenkins, welder
By Joe Bageant
"Pooty don't you ever wash them booger hooks of yours?" That's Carol
the bartender watching Poot pick up his Royal Burger with two blackened
hairy paws that look like they just finished welding a greasy
transmission housing back together -- which is exactly what they did.
"Carol Darlin," Poot replies, "FUCK YOU."
Continue reading "It Ain't Easy Being White" »