Joe,
Buenos dias from New Mexico. I sent you a short email and you answered with grace and humor. As a writer myself, and as a seventh generation Southerner, I appreciate your ability to communicate truth. You're something else, Bud.
This email, however, is about me, me, me. I can't think of anyone else who might even remotely understand my love/hate relationship with the South and things Southern. First off, I'm a 56-year-old gay man in a relationship of 24 years (so far). I left the South in 1984, so I've been gone almost as long as I lived there. This is not an accident. My life has been spent on a conscious spiritual quest, trying to recover from the trauma of being raised in a fundamentalist Baptist culture.
Somehow, I always knew, deep inside, that God had nothing to do with the hateful, mean-spiritedness I was surrounded by. I love the South, and I also despise much about it. I wind up defending the South and Southerners, even when I might agree with their critics. It's sort of like Mom's a drunk, and we all know it, but we still love her and don't want the folks down the street bad mouthing her.
Most of what we hear about the South is racism, racism, racism. Okay, fair enough. If we were the only people in the history of the world, or even the history of this country, to have indulged in racism, I could understand. But, we're obviously not. Our critics, especially the Neo-Leftists, only recognise racism when it wears a sheet over its head in Georgia, but are blind to their own hatred, narrow-mindedness, and bigotry. The South is their convenient target, especially Southern men. And, in fairness, Southerners give their critics plenty of ammunition.
It's the same with gays. We say we want equality, and to be treated with respect, or at the very least, left alone. Yet, so called "Gay Pride" events are little more than freak shows. You want Mr. and Mrs. Mainstream America to take you and your concerns seriously, and you parade about in front of their children, exposing yourselves, and with bearded men in prom dresses? When I've said this to my gay brothers, many of them say I'm a self-hating gay man, programmed by a homophobic culture.
But, what if I'm not? I've been out of the closet, living openly for over a quarter of a century. What if I believe that the best I can do for equality is to live my life with as much honesty and integrity as I can? Okay, I've read enough to know that the Bible teaches that men shouldn't mess around with each other. It also teaches a lot of other things that people, especially in the South, conveniently ignore. Mention gays, and every Bubba and Bubbette become instant Scripture scholars. They want to ban everything they don't like, but at the same time, to get government out of their lives. They want less government, but have no problem with Bush becoming a dictator. All you've got to do is mention Jesus or being born again, and their eyes glaze over. Our people are patriotic, which makes them exceedingly vulnerable to manipulation. But Bush hasn't become a dictator merely through Southern support.
There are also a lot of Yankees and other disreputable characters on board the dictatorship express. The curse of the South, the great curse of this whole country, has its roots in fundamentalist Protestantism. These people are voting! That, alone, is proof that democracy doesn't work. Any system that encourages the participation of stupid people, is doomed to fail. And Joe, this stuff isn't new. It's been going on since the beginning. Technology has simply speeded it up.
Yet, I belong to Sons of Confederate Veterans, and proudly display the Confederate flag -- mainly to annoy Yankees. But, there is a visceral part of me that takes pride in our culture, even though many of my compatriots would gleefully destroy me. Is that f**ked up, or what? At the same time, I take great joy in our unimaginably beautiful desert sunsets, our sweeping mountain vistas, my cats, dogs, and oh yes, my wonderful partner. He is an incredibly patient, kind, and loving accountant. Life is good. Even amidst all the chaos, there is so much beauty. I try my best to be pessimistic, but I still believe there is some sort of hidden order behind this insanity, and that despite appearances, God is good, and still in control.
Well, I've only touched a few topics, but enough to give you an idea of what a swirling mess of contradictions I am. Perhaps that's why I enjoy your writing so much, no insult intended. One day, when you've got some free time, pick up my book, Autobiography of a Redneck Hindu. Let me know what you think.
In Southern Brotherhood,
Robert
New Mexico
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Robert,
Hooo lawdy, are you a breath of fresh air! I've experience every conflict you named in your letter, except those resulting from being gay, of course. Being raised in the South is both a blessing and a curse, isn't it? Compounding matters for me in a fashion you will surely understand, I find myself increasingly drawn toward the spiritual. Well, I always was, but not in such a pronounced way as in these later years. Moreover, even that is, I think, a result of a Baptist upbringing.
Despite all that, I would happily spend every one of my remaining days in the South, even move deeper into it, say Mississippi, were it not located in the United States, a nation with the pendulum of just historical consequences now paused briefly above it, before coming down to clobber the living shit out of this empire of hubris, even as it prances and bellows on the world stage. Even so, I put in part of the year here in this old whore of a Southern town. She might be meaner than snake shit, but she's still my mama. Or at least the mother of all my faults -- not to mention a couple of double edged virtues such as self-disgust (which we Southerners pass off as humility) and a love of language and story telling with more regard for charm than the truth. Well, actually, the truth down here is so downright colorful when it ain't horrific, that Yankees can never believe us. As in, "Wunst I knowed this cullid man that owned a broke down race hoss named Orville Faubus ..." See what I mean?
As to your observations on the American liberal take on racism, don't get me started! I'll have no truck with the kind of folks, white or black, what thinks Barack Obama is a black man and that Mariah Carey, the black Britney Spears and Diddy "Mumbling to a beat" Combs are music. Good god, y'all! Makes a born and bred Southerner want to chug a pitcher of pork gravy to suck all the blood outta his brain so's he cain't think about it. Hell, I know perfectly sane white Yankee Unitarians who buy these people's CDs and actually play them at parties, proving they are not only clueless, but also deaf.
Now see what you done? Gone and got me all riled up and it's only 10 AM -- three hours before any self- respecting Southerner can take a soul soothing drink. Shame on yew!
In art and labor,
Joe
